#B90X - DAY 78 - Shame Produces Will

b90x

#1

In a previous B90X video, specifically B90X Day 54 around good product design being honest. If you remember, we spent some time talking about resentment being a powerful emotion that helps us know whether we’re being true to ourselves. I highly recommend that you go back to that B90X episode. It’ll be worth your time.

However, today I want to tell you another very powerful emotion. It’s called shame.

Have you ever felt shame? Man, it can be a dehabilitating emotion.
But let’s talk about why shame is a wonderful emotion. Because shame can produce the final element we need to change our lives: WILL.

Inspiration and epiphanies can hurt. They can unmask us. Reveal to us who we truly are. There’s no glory in personal epiphanies. They only make for good stories at the AA meetings or late at night among other people struggling in the same trenches you’re in.

I couldn’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of people who have lost weight. Found the person inside of them, and create a whole new lifestyle that is healthy, wealthy, and purpose driven. It was often their SHAME, of looking in the mirror and having the truth stare back at them.

Here’s my point. If you ever feel shamed. If you ever feel shame about your life. Embrace it. Sit on it. Let it percilate in your mind. Meditate on it. Let it sink in. Deep. Let it hurt. Let it get you angry. Good good. Enjoy it.

Now fucking do something about it.

In today’s B90X let’s get serious, if you’re willing to share. Where have you felt shame? How has that shame led you to a better life? Encourage us. Inspire us with your story.

Why? Because we’re all in it together. We’re all on the same exact Bitcoin spaceship, headed to the moon. My brothers, my sisters. We’re all in it together.


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#2

I’ve felt shame because I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That shame has led me to a better life because it has caused me to reflect on the many times that I acted out as an adolescent and young adult, question why, and seek the necessary treatment. Many times, I felt that I was just and right in some of my wild actions, that people just didn’t understand. I have known that I am different since a young age, as we all are, and when I was first diagnosed with manic depressive disorder I did not want to accept it. I had been robbed of my passport and a considerable amount of cash when I was studying in Miami by my “friend’s” family who I was living with, his dad was unemployed, and my parents were helping me by paying the rent because I couldn’t get a job in Miami. I thought the forensic psychiatrist was just a jerk, accusing me of being a criminal because I had too much money, and diagnosing me with some disorder that he could continue to get paid for treating me. Crazy, so I changed my living arrangements, got more serious about my studies, and graduated early. However, I didn’t seek treatment and continued with an unhealthy lifestyle after graduation. I destroyed several relationships that I had built over many years, all the time justifying the cause with that these people were ignorant and didn’t deserve my friendship anyway. I guess that is from intellectual baggage, entitlement, and a serious mental health disorder. I’ve felt some shame in my days, and you’re right, it produces the will to change. Before, I made attempts to research the disorder and do my best to control it with a homeopathic approach; healthy lifestyle, schedule, diet, and some supplements. Now I seek treatment with talk therapy (I’ve obviously been missing that), and I have been taking lithium for the last month. I feel more stable. I can’t really hold a steady traditional job because I don’t get along well others. Most people just seem stupid and inconsiderate to me. Of course, I’m too sensitive. I snap though, like I don’t deal well with authority, especially when I realize they are unqualified. Perhaps this is me projecting my own shadow onto them. I have tattoos on my face, lol. Shame, shame, shame. Anyway, all this to say, the blockchain designed lifestyle is the life for me. I must identify my emotions and cope with them in a conscious and considerate manner. I need to think carefully, and then act. I believe we should all know how to do this as emotionally intelligent people. Crypto trading is good practice, and it helps keep me accountable. TMI TMI, lol. Well, the secret is out… my parents know, but I don’t really want to tell my friends for fear of judgment. Don’t taze me, bro!


#3

Shame produces will to overcome.

No fear in the past. Remember. Pros don’t live in the past!

To the moon my man!


#4

Self-awareness and self-acceptance is liberating and motivating. It also allows your peers and community to understand and accept, to support. Thank goodness for you and everyone here, it’s a safe place to grow.


#5

Sometimes I feel ashame that I did not succeed in some moments, my wife always encourage me but, in some way I like to sink in self deception.
And I would like to react better on those moments, that stop me for even months :wink:


#6

I shared this previously, but, being an alcoholic has created a ton of opportunities for shame… and I’m just so grateful that I haven’t killed anyone or killed myself in the process!

with that being said, it was actually shame and guilt that helped move me to a place where I realized I needed dramatic help and that quitting that particular lifestyle was something that I had to do.

i no longer wanted to shame myself and not give the world my very best.


November 16, 2017 - ROLL CALL! - Maximising Your Potential
#7

I feel you, man. I had a funny dream about ordering a Belgian beer a few nights ago I couldn’t pronounce right and remembered it when I was in the grocery store today and saw it. Its good when we make positive decisions and just stick to them :slight_smile:


#9

When I was a child I was introvert and everyone was laughing at me at school because I was a different one. And one day when someone takes a joke of me a felt so ashamed, so I have decided to change my life entirely. From that moment I began to try the sport and be braver to be able to protect myself. My shame moved me to the new life and now I become who I am. Shame and fear are the most powerful emotions I think.


#10

Growing up I had two issues that frequently caused me to get beat up or picked on. I stuttered very badly and I was (and still am) very emotional and I got my feelings hurt…a lot. The more I tried to stop the stuttering, it would get worse and the worse I felt. In debate class, it was ridiculous and my peers laughed at me to my face. I had plenty of friends and they tried to help me feel better, but the mean kids always seemed to find me and pick on me, until I cried. The feelings of shame, when girls would even pick on me were immense and the more I tried to change who I was, the worse my stuttering became and the emotional demons would eat me alive. That was the cycle…terrible. Then one day I realized…if I read aloud a book or try to use other people’s words in a speech or read PowerPoint slides that someone else gave me, I stuttered. Even to this day this is true. But if I talk from my heart, the stuttering stops. No idea why, it just does. The 2nd thing that happens is my emotion changes from tears of anguish from shame or embarrassment, to tears of love and joy.

Today, I am a business leader, a motivator and a coach who now routinely speaks to hundreds of people…all without words in my presentations. I speak to pictures because it forces me to speak from my heart and the stutter is barely noticeable. If I stumble, I usually stumble for a few seconds and I think people think that I am having a mini stroke…lol. But once I stop forcing my words, they flow freely.

The emotional problem is still there and is who I am. I have embraced the fact that I cannot talk to other people one on one or even in a large auditorium without crying when I talk about my people, my passions or things that I am proud of or excited about. Yes, I have teared up talking about the future of Bitcoin. Hilarious really if you think about it. Showing positive emotion is who I am and now is something that I am proud of. Keep the Kleenex handy :laughing:


#11

Jesus wept. Emotions are powerful. Man, I used to make fun of one of my buddies who had a stutter, I feel ashamed of that, but he plays American Football in the NFL now. Shame does produce will. The passion, yoooooooooooooooo!


#12

I feel shame every time I am doing something that I know in my bones is sideways energy. I feel shame when it has been a while since I’ve spoken to certain relatives or friends. I feel shamed almost everyday for one small thing or another that probably shouldn’t make me feel shame, but that shame is the fuel that helps me move forward to the moon.


#13

I’m ashamed that I really havent accomplished much in my life until the last year, for years I have fought mental illness and health probldms, and it always did hold me back.


#14

I felt shame when I used to drink too much. I was working in a job with a lot of stress that I didn’t enjoy, I used to smoke and play video games during the week and then drink and smoke during the weekend, getting incredibly drunk and falling asleep in all sorts of places.

I’ve realised now that it was escapism from a very unhappy life but it was the shame that spurred me on to sell all my video games and move abroad. This was definitely a positive change.


#15

After been unwell for so long, anxiety took over my life and i had a serious problem with how i was viewed now compared to my previous self and this really affected me. I began to draw away from life itself and this of course had a major impact on my life causing the deepest darkest moment i have experienced in my life so far…
I did manage to start to get out on my bike in order to get fresh air and a way of doing the little bit of exercise i could without causing to much strain on myself but the problem was i knew my body was nowhere near to where i needed it to be to progress with this activity but i told myself it would only help me improve my quality life until i took an almighty drop while crossing a busy road i rush hour, and all i could think at the time was did anybody see me, are they laughing etc SHAME!!!
but then it hit me as i picked myself up and wheeled my bike across the street, i don’t care what anybody thinks anymore!
This is what had being holding me back all this time in life!

And as of that day i have fallen off my bike so many more times but it has only given me more focus and determination that the day will come that i stand strong again! and that day is near…
but the journey continues…


#16

Awesome video! Thanks! I have experienced this same thing with my weight recently. I was ashamed of the way I looked in January, and I had let this go on way too long. I went to the doctor, put myself on a low carb diet, and I am almost down to my “normal” range with a loss of 29 lbs so far. I am still a bit off from my ideal target, but I now have turned ‘eating right’ and ‘exercising’ into a lifestyle. It is the shame that had to push me here and keeps me going. I do not want to go back.


#17

You talked about AA and I’m ashamed to say I spent way too much time in those meetings in the past believing the recovery mythology. Today I use that experience to help others deprogram from the helplessness involved in labeling oneself an “alcoholic” or an “addict” and move towards a rich & meaningful life.


#18

I’ve felt shame by talking too big a game and not backing it up. More specifically, by telling everyone I’d be going into the music industry and making my mark there. It’s my second time trying, I’m a persistent motherfucker.


#19

I was in college a long time ago, studying really hard to become a translator in Japanese, spending time in class or at the library every day from 8-18. I’ve never studied so much before in my life, and I was really enjoying it, so it was easy. I was among the top 3 in the class on all tests and everything was going great.
Three months before finishing my first year of college the anxiety of living in a dorm with strangers became too much for me, always having been an introvert, and I attempted suicide twice before telling my parents about it. I moved back to my parents, started going to therapy, getting medication and feeling really depressed for a few years. Later I took a psychological evaluation and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome.
The coming years I went to different activities for people with mental health problems, but I always felt worse hanging around with people who had the same or similar problems. It felt like that behavior was the norm, and I didn’t want it to be, so I eventually stopped going.
After a few more years of basically living in limbo, without any real purpose or structure, I began feeling ashamed of how my life had turned out. I didn’t want to meet people anymore, no matter if they were relatives or new people, because I couldn’t bear to be asked the most basic question of all “what do you do for a living?”. It was a constant reminder that I had accomplished nothing in the last ten years due to my mental problems.
It was a few years after that that the feeling of shame became too great to ignore any longer. Something had to change. I started waking up earlier in the morning, I started studying again, I began exercising, I started living with a purpose again, and it felt good. I haven’t taken any medication in years, because they simply don’t help in any way. Working out every day makes me feel a lot better than the medicine ever could.

I’m still working towards my goals, and there are still a lot of steps to go, but I’m giving my all to go forward every single day, no matter how small the step is. I don’t want to look back on my life ten years from now, and still feel ashamed over how little I’ve accomplished.


#20

I was a crack headed heroin user. I would steal from stores and i would steal cars. I lived like that for 3 years. In and out of jail. great life right lol. I did’t care about anything including my self. I knew I was a drug addict looser. but what ever. that’s what I thought then. then I meet my wife. as they say behind every good man is an even better woman! she got me to got back to school. then I got told I will never work for any high end dealers ever. they were right and I felt like shit. I had dropped out of school and went to jail for stealing cars. that has haunted me since it happened. I can’t do any thing about it. I’ve changed my life but my past is the same. so to over come this. I’m going to make my Own Fucken Path In Life!!! I’m not like most ppl. I fuck up bad and i’ll figure out how to fix it. now I’m taking the exit from every one else and paving my own path. I hate my past. Fuck my past. I’m trying to close the door on it but until I exit on to my own path i think I’m a little stuck. so one day at a time and I will fucken get there and enjoy the hard fucken work I’ve put in for sure.


#21

Guys reading your stories… its amazing. We have a wide range of experiences here… for me being an entrepreneur has been a tough journey. Getting into business that fail… having to raise a family with little or no finances… it can shameful and kills the self esteem. A man is ought to provide…when you don’t the rebuke and disrespect you experience may at times be overwhelming… thank God Satsohi happened. Time to rise up eat and live with a big spoon… doing what i love to do and changing lives.